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How To Avoid the Pitfalls of Negotiating in a Panic - Devon Smiley

The sun is shining, the birds are singing, and everything is going our way.

Lots of time, resources, and a dynamic that gives us an edge when it comes to knowledge or power. This is a great position from which to launch a negotiation. We’re cool, calm, and collected as we share our proposal and the resulting rally of counterproposals is a delight.

Except . . . this is rarely (read: never) the case when it comes time to speak up and make our ask or navigate complex discussions.

More often than not, you or your clients will be operating in a state of stress. The deal needed to be done yesterday, there’s a shoestring budget, and amid all the hustle and effort of our day-to-day work, energy is definitely lacking.

When we walk into a negotiation from a place of panic or stress, there are some common pitfalls we risk falling into with what we say and do (or don’t say and do).

Here are three of those pitfalls to watch out for, their potential impact, and what to do instead.

  1. Lost in the Weeds

When resources and budget are scarce and we’re under pressure to maximize outcomes despite those stressors, we can fall into the trap of focusing far too much on the small details and tiny wins of a negotiation, losing sight of the broader vision and goals.

A classic example of this is when we forget about non-financial value and focus exclusively on driving a deal to hit a specific budgetary outcome. Yes, shaving off another few hundred dollars on a contractor agreement may help you come in under target for this particular project, but at what cost? Will the relationship suffer? Will they start counting the minutes and nitpicking invoicing just as you counted the pennies in the agreement? Will leveraging your negotiating power to secure this part of the deal mean that you’ve inadvertently accepted something less advantageous in another section of the agreement? Yes, yes, and yes.

Pitfall Problem Solving

  • Ahead of launching into a negotiation, set your vision. What’s the bigger picture that this conversation or contract is helping you work toward? That’s the prize to keep your eye on. For example, signing on a new corporate partner to support your next community initiative is all about creating a long-term relationship, maximizing your reach to those who need your help, and attracting additional corporate partners in the future.

Circle back to these broader impact goals when you find yourself getting stressed or holding on far too hard to a relatively small “give” in the negotiation.

  • Assess the impact five months and five years down the line. Every negotiation comes with compromise and sacrifice (even the best negotiators can’t get everything they want all the time!), and determining the impact of each of the items you’re negotiating can help you figure out which details are essentials and which can be relaxed. If what you’re spending your time and energy on isn’t something that’s going to help you or the team achieve longer-term goals, it may not be worth spending your negotiation capital on.
  1. Hyperspeed

When you’re faced with a seemingly never-ending “To Do” list, and more tasks are being added every day, finding the time to negotiate feels especially burdensome. We figure that we’ve done this before, so we skip the prep work and dive right in. (For the record, “winging it” is not a strategy.) Or we get frustrated with the ping-pong back-and-forth of proposals and just give our counterpart whatever they’ve asked for to just get it over with (and subsequently lose out on value). And sometimes, despite our best intentions, we start giving documents a skim instead of taking the time for proper reviews and we accidentally agree to a clause we shouldn’t have (setting us up for a future “oh no” moment of panic).

Pitfall Problem Solving

  • Flex your prep. Not every negotiation needs a cross-functional steering committee and weeks of in-depth prep. Scale your prep to the amount of risk or reward this deal represents. Calling up a telecoms provider to try and reduce the monthly bill? Allocate thirty minutes to take a poke around at competitors’ offers to set your benchmark goal for your new rate. The potential upside of that conversation could be nice, but the risk if it goes horribly is rather low.
  • Leverage your Subject Matter Experts. Diverse knowledge, skills, and backgrounds is what makes a team succeed, so leverage your subject matter experts to help you avoid the “oh no’’ moments in a negotiation. When you’re short on time, ask a colleague to help by reviewing the legal portion or taking a look at the financials to see if there’s something you’ve missed. Many hands make light work when time is tight.
  • Get more time. Negotiate the negotiation. If a deadline is approaching or you need more time to prepare before your scheduled meeting, ask for an extension. Not sure how to do that without sounding like you’ve dropped the ball? Try this: “I’ve been diving into the proposal we sent you and would appreciate a few more days to make sure I’m coming to the table at our next meeting with something that will hit the right mark and we can then get the most out of our time together. Can we please reschedule to next Wednesday?”
  1. Robot Mode

In times of stress, some of the first things to go are patience and empathy. We’ve all had those moments with friends or loved ones where the frustrations or panic of the day seeps into how we react to even the simplest of questions or the gentlest of comments. We’re human. It happens. The same holds true in a negotiation. We can find ourselves soullessly following the spreadsheet or decision matrix in front of us, blind to the fact that there’s another real human being across the table from us. In the short term, we may get away with that. The terms we achieve will be functionally acceptable (even if no one shouts from the rooftops how game changing they are) and if our negotiation counterpart has shown up with some of their empathy, they may even forgive our sharp tone, interruptions, or general rudeness. But that’s a big if. Ultimately, successful negotiation is about building sustainable relationships—and this stress-induced pitfall is putting that at risk.

Pitfall Problem Solving

  • Build the connection. Take the time at the start of each interaction to check in on a personal level with your counterpart. The small talk may feel like a waste of your already limited time, but even checking in on what the weather is like where the other person lives can start you off on the right foot. (A trick I use: During the warm-up chat portion of my negotiations, I take notes to help me remember details such as if my counterpart has kids, pets, hobbies. Being able to “magically” recall information in future conversations—”Did you have to walk Harriet in the snow this morning?” or “Did she wear little dog booties?”—gets an A+ in connection building.)
  • Keep breathing. Keeping your emotions in check can be a challenge during negotiation, but one trick that always works is taking a big deep breath before responding to a question that’s pushed one of your buttons. It forces a short pause which can be enough to break the tension. The oxygen helps our brain think things through a bit more clearly. The expansion of our rib cages means we can’t be holding all of the physical tension that comes with stress—we all know it, it’s the shoulders-up-to-ears, clenched-jaw pose.

Negotiating in circumstances that are stressful, or feeling pressure to reach strong agreements despite a lack of time, energy, or budget, is a challenge. The good news? You’re still doing it. You’ve not avoided negotiation all together, throwing your hands up and just accepting the status quo. Brava[1] [2] !

Remember the top three pitfalls and ways to get around them:

  1. Lost in the Weeds
    1. Ahead of launching into a negotiation, set your vision.
      1. Assess the impact five months and five years down the line.
    1. Hyperspeed
      1. Flex your prep.
      1. Leverage your Subject Matter Experts.
      1. Get more time.
    1. Robot Mode
      1. Build the connection.
      1. Keep breathing.

By holding on to a clear vision for what you need to achieve, you’ll avoid getting lost in the weeds. Taking (and making) the time to prepare and set the pace you need in the discussion will help you avoid glossing over details or giving in too early. And holding on to that spark of human connection with your counterpart will have you genuinely engaged in discussions and not slipping into robot mode. Navigating these three pitfalls with the tips shared above will go a long way in helping you navigate your way from stressful to successful in your negotiations.

Author Bio:

Devon Smiley is a Negotiation & Commercial Consultant for entrepreneurs and founders that are ready to go after bigger, better deals…without sacrificing vision, impact or relationships.

She’s distilled over 15 years and $5 billion of negotiation experience into accessible and actionable guidance that helps build the skills needed to navigate conversations with confidence.

Working with teams around the world and across verticals Devon has supported founders in cultivating the negotiation, communication and leadership skills they need to grow their businesses.

A strong believer that negotiation isn’t just about boosting bottom lines, Devon has worked with pro bono partners including UN Women and The Clinton Foundation.

Website: DevonSmiley.com

LinkedIn: linkedin.com/in/devonsmiley/